Finally, I've got it all figured out.
I keep the tea kettle half full, always,
I've completed the drawing for a remote controlled coffee pot
I can make the perfect scrambled egg.
I've found the way to suspend a turntable from the ceiling
for those who like to dance on hardwood floors
I can drink whiskey like my uncles did
and finally I remember
to close the garage even if
I'd parked sideways
and turfed the backyard.

It's the little things, these small and mighty triumphs
that'll have to do.

The highlights of my holiday in list form:

1. Nathaniel Mayer at the Beachland. If you don't wanna dance to this guy, you ain't ever gonnna dance, shweetheart. This year he had the entire room smiling and had me doing the white girl dance (sans sweeping arm gestures, thank you.) and all without his Christmas light suit. That guy knocks my socks off.
2. Nearly robbed at gunpoint on Weds. night in the Beachland parking lot. (sorry Mark & Cindy, I'm sure this isn't the sort of online advertising you were hoping for.) Some guy walked up and attempted to pull open Jon's door and stuck a gun in his face. Luckily, Jon's lead foot saved the day. In seconds he had the car thrown in reverse and we were speeding away. Until we realized my car was still there and we had the fuzz escort me back. Let's just say I won't be driving alone to the Beachland anytime soon.
3. Happy Buy Nothing Day!!!!! Although I will be buying nothing today, I am forced to work selling stuff all night so I've made one small amendment. Today is now Buy Nothing Except Tremendous Belgian Beer From Erin Day. Dig?
4. I watched that Brian Jonestown documentary last night. Man, is that guy one messed up little cookie. Whew. I felt like I'd been on a heroin binge after the first half hour. In my own little tribute, I will be playing only 60's garage rock at work tonight. Well, and maybe a the new Tom Waits album- just cause I like it.
5. I didn't do a damn thing for Thanksgiving. My family is all over the place. Instead, I went to some shabby diner and had a fruit salad and a cup of chicken soup. You can forward your leftovers to my house if you happen to be all turkeyed-out.

I am on a Neutral Milk Hotel kick this week. If I listen to Two-Headed Boy one more time, I may just sprout another head. Could Happen.

I don't know how this all started but it's pretty damn funny.

Okay so my new suggestion card to the powers that be is a day for the rest of us disfunctional bastards. A holiday that celebrates staying in your house, without a family and watching re-runs of the Christmas Story whilst eating a tomato sandwich. Yes, you heard me. A day to celebrate not having a family that gets together for some big hoopla and makes entirely too much food and does whatever it is that you people do on Thanksgiving.
Again, my mother is at the hospital (working) this year. Both of the major holidays. And as usual I will be making a small saran-wrapped dinner and taking it up to her and leaving to go out and do whatever it is I do exactly. In past years, I've gone with the roommate to his family's shindig, but this year he is playing hooky (hookie?) to go skiing in West Virginia. So this year, I'm creating my own damn holiday. I call it "We Don't Need Your Stinkin' Turkey Anyway, Day"
Festivities include, but not limited to, films at the Cedar Lee (cinematheque closed, grumble); a well made cheese sandwich; a perfect cup of espresso; and to top it all off- the grand finale! A cup of yoqurt covered pretzels. Maybe I'll even treat myself to a little online ordering of some well-deserved vinyl. Eat your heart out America- It's orphan day!
Someone asked me at work if I had Beyonce on my Ipod. I told her to go here.

So I spent the entire weekend indoors with the most godawful cold imaginable. I'd like to say I've been able to accomplish great things during this time- but I'd be lying. And horribly at that. A short list of what I did accomplish:
1. Watched one million movies. These include: Sylvia- about the rocky marriage of poets Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes ( this led to my rereading in one evening both The Colossus and The Birthday Letters); Scent of a Woman ( which led me to a nyquil induced crying jag); Mr. Holland's Opus (which I scoffed at and realized that if I really wanted that much cheese I'd raise goats, thank you); and eighteen back episodes of The Daily Show.
2. Slept. This included a dream in which I coughed up a tonsil and wrapped it in toilet tissue in the event that a doctor could put it back in it's proper place. That was a pleasant dream.
3. Got really bent out of shape at the fact that no-one will ever care as much about your illness as your mother did when you were five. I did entertain daydreams that someone would show up to cuddle, chicken soup in hand- but let's give credit where it is due; the cats did a lovely job keeping my lap warm.
4. Complained out loud to myself. Not a lot of elaboration needed here.
5. Downloaded music. What else is new? I got David Bowie's entire discography, A King Crimson album, and a Grandaddy ep I didn't even know existed.
6. Made my own homemade chicken soup, and if you listen closesly you can hear the soft sound of me patting myself on the back. It came out really well. I'll save you the tirade on processed, canned soups for today.
Well, that about sums it up. Off to finish Baltasar and Blimunda. Back to work tomorrow.

Scientists have predicted that it is very likely polar bears may very well be extinct by the end of this century. This also may include several species of birds and other wildlife.
That the current administration's attitude towards global warming doesn't scare the hell out of the people in this country is sickening to me. Yes, I've read the Bjorn Lomborg article "The Skeptical Environmentalist". I just seem to be a bit more of the opinion that when it comes to the possibility of completely irreversible damage done to anything, it's better safe than sorry.
I read a funny quote saying that the Bush administration would rather us look at the bright side of global warming- after all, the water sport industry would see huge gains.
Oh well, more picnic baskets for the rest of us I guess.

So after a long hiatus, here it is. Me. In all my coffee-drinking, mismatched socks and bedhead glory. I've been discovering again how much a person can actually get done when you don't stay out until 3 (let's just call it 3) in the morning. Bear with me dear reader, sometimes it takes me a while to figure these things out on my own. This is pretty much standard Erin procedure- I I light the candle at both ends, and maybe even in the middle for good measure all summer long, and then retreat to a quieter lifestyle as temperatures drop. So, like last winter, you'll find much more of these tidbits coming and going. I've also dicovered that this is an excellent activity whilst burning cd's or uploading to the Ipod. Which, believe it or not, usually takes up the first pre-coffee hour of my day. Sounds like a lot of cds to be messing about with, eh? Oh my friend, you have no idea. The addition of a new server in my house whose sole purpose is to hold all my music has unleashed the nerd in me. I can't seem to fill it fast enough.
Today's acquisition is Nuggets II- a collection of garage and psych from the UK and beyond. Man, I knew I should've sprung for the bigger Ipod. Take it from me, the mini will not be enough.
Isn't it funny that as human civilization rolls right along one of the most expensive commodities is space? As we all consume and buy more stuff the problem of space becomes more evident- where the hell can I put it all? A sad state of affairs really, unless of course you are speaking of record collections, at which point, i figure, go crazy.

So maybe you've heard that 'God' has granted a reprieve to America's paganism. The president of Bob Jones University wrote a letter to our favorite president expressing his relief that 'God' will stay in the White House. The letter was posted on the Bob Jones site, but has been pulled. Luckily you can still read it here. This coming from the school that ended it's ban on interracial dating in 2000. I hear they're even going to allow girls to wear slacks next. It is baffling to me the infinite number of people one can laugh at on any given day. So today Bob Jones III gets our award for the meathead of the day.

I haven't written in a while. The past few weeks have been both hectic and remarkably productive. (Unless you count the past two days in which I've accomplished nothing more than chatting with gal pals, laying around in my pjs and eating tacos with the roomie.) A list of recent developments follows.
1. I was hired to work at the new brewery that will be in the same location of the old brewery that I worked at. I believe I will be doing a little bit of everything there. I'm pretty psyched, as anyone reading this who knows me at all can imagine. I can't help it- I'll always be a beer nerd. So that will be starting Septmeber 7th. I will be keeping my current job. And juggling my fledgling small business. I am a total masochist when it comes to my own schedule. Soon, however, I will once again be rolling in dough. Please, whatever fates are listening don't tell me i just jinxed myself.
2. Jam business is cranking right along and we're getting tons of attention, I made a gift basket for one of my mother's coworkers and all the women went crazy over it. I think the gift baskets are really going to be our bread and butter as we head into the fall months and the outdoor markets are no longer an option as a venue for our wares. Cross your fingers, toes, and eyes that we make it into some local gourmet food shops. (Goal!)
3. Apparently I have Lupus. Basically this means I am allergic to myself. Leave it to me to develop the world's funniest chronic illness.
4. I have reinstated dating status with the boy mentioned in the previous transmission. As of today All Systems Are Go. Even I have fleeting moments of being a softie.(sp?) Or at least a little soft in the head.
5. I got the best fortune a crappy faux-Chinese cookie has ever produced. " Your love of gardening is about to change directions". Let's just hope that this means the business will begin to make so much money that I never have to punch anyone else's clock again. Side note: they apparently don't eat fortune cookies in China . It is an entirely American tradition. Stick that in your creaky wallet for a trivia-less day.
6. Mary is having a baby. I am the godmother. I don't know precisely what that means- considering that Mary and I are both godless heathens and maybe it just means that I get to spoil him the most. Which I fully intend to do. She has requested that I make sure that he is raised with the best music collection an elementary-schooler can boast. This was a given. I've already started compiling the Liam mix. (That's my vote for his name and I'm not backing down! Since I do not plan on reproducing- I must live vicariously through Mary's motherhood-dom)
7. My car is a piece of rubble that I wouldn't terribly mind setting fire too. Oh wait, I guess that really isn't news.
I guess I am out of things to say.

I've been cutting fresh strawberries for hours. Mady and I were honing our "haggling" skills and somehow ended up with 64 pints of berries. 64. 64 pints. Pardon the expression, but that's a lot of fucking strawberries. My fridge is full, my freezer is stuffed and my hands are stained red. I have two large mixing bowls with cut berries waiting to made into two jams: a strawberry and oatmeal stout spread and a three citrus-strawberry marmalade. I spent most of the afternoon listening to the Kinski double lp I picked up at the show and cutting citrus rind into slivers. i thought I'd get fancy and bought a new mandolin, and as you can expect- instead of slivering the lime rind I mandolined my thumb. You can bet your sweet ass that any jam that I nearly lose fingers over will have a higher ticket price. Blood, sweat, and tears baby- we don't mess around.
Chris and I had dinner outside and it was so beautiful. After such a hectic week, a nice dinner under a clear sky by citronella (ech) candle was exactly what I had in mind. We talked about the people we've been dating- his new gal is awesome. She's witty, beautiful and sharp as a razor. At our little dinner party, she made quite the impression when she walked in and immediately started chatting up the room. I like her. Chris likes her. The only downside thus far is that she has Sunday evenings off- and I'm a little partial to hanging with Chris on Sundays. I musn't be so selfish. Someday my prince (heh) will come and we'll watch the Simpsons together while Chris and his redhaired lady friend do whatever it is they do. Apparently she enjoys putt-putt. I told Chris " Good luck with that" (with a small nod to Lisa).
The business has been really taking off, and I am pleasantly surprised at how easy the start up has been. We've had so many offers for assistance and people have been really receptive to our products. I feel reinvigorated where I was beginning to lose steam. I didn't see much happening with us dumping all of our money into it just to sit for three hours at a little farmer's market. Now that things are picking up- I feel excited and ready to devote whatever time I can to maiking this take off. I made us a beautiful catalog and brochure this week, and have been working on databases of our COGS and inventory. Once I master the lost art (to me at least) of decent time management, I'll be getting somewhere. Yeah, good luck with that, right? .
I got into a horrible argument with my mother today. She wrote me an email saying that I don't call or come over enough, that I don't care, that if she were ever put in a nursing home I wouldn't visit. I wrote her back just saying that both of our phones have a dialing function and that if she keeps walking around griping that no-one is going to visit her in a nursing home, that nobody will. A bit harsh this may seem to those that do not know her, but to the those of us that have been on the recieving end of her anxiety and depression and problems in general- her martyr spiel is getting a bit worn out. Every week, it's some new tension, some more melodramatics- I guess I don't know how to deal with it, because i really don't want to any longer. That really isn't an option- so I guess once again, I'll give it a few days for her hormones to return to a normal level and maybe we can have a nice talk.There are so many medications to help women going through menopause deal with the discomforts- but what about the rest of us that have to deal with them? Hopefully at that point, I'll have wised up enough to move to Nepal and leave my family alone until I'm sane again. (Even though you know I won't) That's all for now.

happy barbie in a blender day!!!!!

a day to celebrate fair use and free speech rights.

didn't think things were fucked enough already?

read this

bastards.